Major Essay 1 Rough Draft (Memoir)

Friendship –  that intangible noun. I hated that language arts lesson in second grade. “Let’s try to make a list of the nouns you can’t touch.”  Oh, Mrs. Ricci, if you only knew how true that is for me. I can’t touch it, I can’t find it, and I don’t get it- I’m only 7!  Where’s my written list of directions for this task? How do I get a real friend who accepts me as is? What lesson did I miss? Why does this friend thing just come naturally to these other kids?

As an Aspie, or person with Asperger’s, you spend a lot of time worrying about the social stuff that other people don’t have to.  People who meet me for this first time now are shocked by my diagnosis since I’m viewed as the straight A, social, kind, interactive, funny, well-spoken and well-mannered kid.  And, yeah, I am, now, but I wasn’t always. The Aspie road is as wide and diverse as the diagnosis, but  the only place I ever wanted my road to lead was to friendship and acceptance.

At the end of every NFL football season, my family has a party during the Super Bowl, either at my house, or my aunt’s house. After the 2017 season, I decided it would be fun to have some people over outside of my family join us. I was ready for that. My home is a safe place to me, I feel grounded and at ease with myself there.  So, I went ahead and invited some guys I knew from my school, Old Colony Regional Vocational—Khalil, Christian, Liam, and Jacob—to the Super Bowl party. Khalil, Liam, and Christian were classmates of mine in electronics shop, so I see them for over half of the year. Plus, Khalil and I have known each other since fourth grade, when he moved into the Old Rochester School system. Jacob, from machine shop, I met at lunch at one point, and talked football with him. Then, come junior year, when we were in the same English and chemistry class, we really hit it off. A friend group at a social event that I was hosting was a risky proposition for me and my family could feel it.

“All those guys are coming here? Here – to our house- for the Super Bowl party?” I could see the hint of worry on my mom’s face when she spoke.  Even now- she remembers little Ryan and those first years of school when I had to focus on other things and true friends just weren’t there. Other kids did NOT understand me, so I was too much work.

“Don’t worry, mom, I’ve got this. Our house is awesome, plus, you’ll love them, really. Let’s make the menu. Fish chowder, of course. That’s traditional.”  Despite my assurances to her, I get it. No matter how I’ve grown, and changed, I’m still her little boy who struggled at the early ages with the “social” stuff.  But, still, I was feeling hopeful. My mom always says home should be your happy place and it is and it’s my comfort zone too.

Come Super Bowl Sunday, I was getting pretty nervous, myself. I was helping the rest of the family set up, moving tables around, mopping the floor, peeling potatoes for the chowder, etc. Throughout the entirety of the day, my main thought was, This has got to be just right. Can’t screw this up.  However, the little voice in the back of my mind was saying, “Don’t worry about it. Everything will be fine.” I knew it was going to be fun, anyway. On my birthday, a month before, we had just mounted a forty-eight inch television on the wall in my family room, and moved in the leather couch that was originally in our living room.

Now, it’s around 5:00 pm, just an hour before the big game. My family from down the street had already shown up. My older sister, my brother in-law, and my little baby niece soon followed. My dad had already put the finishing touches on the chowder, and was pulling the barbecued chicken wings out of the oven, and talking to my uncle, while my mom and aunt were setting up the salad on the table by the sliding doors. My grandmother was playing with the baby, and chatting with both of my sisters and my brother in-law.

Then, I heard the knock on the door. I froze for a second, thinking, Oh boy, who arrived first? It was Khalil, the hood on his Old Colony hoodie up over his big hair, as he towered over everyone else in the house at 6 foot 5 inches tall! We all exchanged hellos, and I showed him to the family room. We talked a little bit, telling a joke here and there, and snacked on some Cool Ranch Doritos. Ten minutes later, I went out into my living room, and saw another set of headlights. It was Jacob, in his truck. Khalil and I stepped outside to show him where to park. He got out of the truck, we both greeted him, and started back inside. There was still some snow on the ground, and I slipped and fell as we were walking through the front yard. I looked ridiculous, but the three of us had a good laugh about it, together. We went into the living room, chatted some more, looked at a few memes on Jacob’s phone, and watched some of the pregame. My dad walked in, and said, “All right, guys, food’s up. If everyone could just wash their hands before digging in, that would be great. Just want to avoid cross-contamination.” This is standard protocol, as my family and myself have severe food allergies, and my friends understood fully- another success!

As we were grabbing our grub, I saw the door open once again. It was Christian and Liam, along with Christian’s parents. They were checking out my family, making sure it was safe to drop him off at our house.  That made sense since they hadn’t met me or my parents prior to that moment. I thought- well, mom’s a teacher so we should pass inspection! Hands were shaken, small talk was made and phone numbers were exchanged. We quickly received parental approval and off they went. “Food is ready, Christian, we were just making plates. Could you just wash your hands, please?”

“No problem.  I’m starved,” Christian quickly replied heading for the kitchen sink. Moments later he was in the food line at the counter with  the guys dishing up my dad’s famously delicious food. We carefully carried our heaping plates to the family room and got situated in front of the television, lined up like dominoes across the couch. Just a squished row of Old Colony guys ready to watch the game of the season.

The next few minutes are a blur… national anthem, coin toss, kick off… the hoots and cheers of my whole family and my friends seemed like it filled the whole house. I was pumped! I paused a minute and looked around the family room and realized I had achieved what I’d hoped for. There they were,  my group of friends – each of us accepting the other as is, and having a blast. Food, football and friendship and what better time to pull this off than during my favorite sporting event, the Super Bowl?